Chiropractors are Bullshit

The first time I dealt with a chiropractor was in 1999 at a mall kiosk, which seemed like an odd place
to encounter a medical professional. I was a teenager working a few storefronts down selling butterfly clips, and I made the mistake of looking at one of the kiosk’s spinal models. The chiropractor on duty promptly came over to let me know how he could fix all my health ailments. Back issues! Period pain! Even weight loss! Whatever was ailing me, this chiropractor was on it.

The problem with his sales pitch? I was in perfect health. Nevertheless, he persisted.

Despite his enthusiasm for fixing me, I was skeptical. Who the hell peddles (real) medicine out of a kiosk? Brain surgeons and oncologists aren’t at the mall trying to drum up new business from vulnerable passersby. What could a chiropractor do for me?

If you’re one of the approximately 80 percent of Americans who have suffered from back pain, you may have been referred to a chiropractor for medical help. In the modern-day internet landscape, you’ll find chiropractic celebrities like Dr. Josh Axe (1.7 million Facebook followers), Dr. Billy DeMoss (20,000 Facebook followers), and Dr. Eric Berg (472,000 YouTube subscribers) giving advice that goes beyond managing spinal issues. Both in their offices and on social media, chiropractors have adapted to a marketplace that’s demanding more than just pain management: they extol the virtues of an “alkaline diet,” tell you how to manage stress with detoxing, and wax scientific about the adrenal gland (which, last I checked, isn’t in the goddamn spine). Though many patients rely on chiropractors to manage chronic back or neck pain, others delegate overall health maintenance to chiropractic care — to the joy of the chiropractic community and the possible detriment of humanity. Some chiros have gone as far as to adjust the spines of newborn babies, saying that this does everything from alleviating “birthing trauma” to stimulating the immune system to the point where the little ones don’t need to get vaccinated.

Which should all make you wonder: does any of it work?

No. It’s absolute bullshit.

Chiropractic care, I’m sorry to say, is little more than the buffoonery of a 19th-century lunatic who derived most of his medical theory from séances. It has not evolved much since its creation. Chiropractic beliefs are dangerously far removed from mainstream medicine, and the vocation’s practices have been linked to strokes, herniated discs, and even death. Chiropractors can’t replace your doctor, and I’m amazed that they’re still even allowed to practice. You shouldn’t trust them with your spine or any other part of your body, and here’s why.

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Chiropractors are bullshit | The Outline