Liberal Beliefs

This is a list of things that liberals seem to hold in their belief system. Read them slowly to prevent brain explosion:

1) They believe that the AIDS virus is spread by a lack of federal funding.

2) They are against capital punishment but for abortion on demand.

3) When it comes to abortion, a woman has the right to choose because it is her body, but when it comes to fast food, the govt needs to step in because you can't be trusted to make such an important decision when it comes to your body.

4) The same public school idiot who can't teach 4th graders how to read is qualified to teach those same kids about sex.

5) Trial lawyers are selfless heroes and doctors are overpaid.

6) Guns in the hands of law-abiding Americans are more of a threat than nuclear weapons in the hands of the Iranians.

7) Global temperatures are less affected by cyclical, documented changes in the brilliance of the sun, and more affected by yuppies driving SUVs.

8) Gender roles are artificial but being gay is natural.

9) Businesses create oppression and governments create prosperity.

10) Self-esteem is more important than actually doing something to earn it.

11) There was no art before federal funding.

12) The free market that gives us 500+ channels can't deliver the quality that PBS does.

13) The NRA is bad, because they stand up for certain parts of the Constitution, while the ACLU is good, because they stand up for certain parts of the Constitution.

14) Taxes are too low but ATM fees are too high.

15) Cesar Chavez is more important to American history than Thomas Jefferson.

16) Standardized tests are racist, but racial quotas and set-asides aren't.

17) Second-hand smoke is more dangerous than HIV.

18) Conservatives are racists but that black people couldn't make it without government help.

19) The only reason socialism hasn't worked anywhere it's been tried is because the right people haven't been in charge.